Waves
by Doodlewolf
Summary: Rachel can't quite come to grips with the war being over so Baird puts himself in a situation he's definitely not comfortable with! Contains own OC!


Rachel stared out over the seemingly endless ocean and let the waves wash over her feet, swirling around her toes before withdrawing only to repeat the process again a moment later. It was quiet, peaceful even – it was wrong. Where was the rhythmic _whom-whomp-whomp _of heavy artillery? The smell of burning and gunfire? Where was the stomach churning vibration just below the surface? The raven's circling overhead?

Gone.

It was all gone. Finished. After sixteen years of constantly fighting for survival it was over, an entire species and a sub-species wiped off the face of the planet in less than two days. Humanity saved and free to stand out in the open without fear of the Locust coming up under their feet.

So was it worth it? She knew it was, somehow it had to be but they had lost so much, too much to ever recover from. Rachel breathed in the warm ocean air and her fists tightened till her knuckles went white.

She had lost too much. Too many scars that would never heal, too many wounds that would never close no matter how she tried to fill the voids. Dom, the freshest in her mind, the one that left her speechless mid-sentence when she realised he wasn't there to hear the words.

Noah, her twin, her only younger brother. The others: Johnny, Will, Harry and Charlie – the brothers she would only ever see again in her nightmares, the ones that left her gasping when she woke with tears streaming down her face. No amount of panoramic views would bring them back.

This island, this _sanctuary_, it didn't fit. It was a pristine representation of all the things that had been lost to them over the years. On a planet with as many scars as its inhabitants it was a painful reminder of what they had lost. It was a mockery of all the people that had given their lives to the war, hiding in the middle of the sea like a coward.

She shook her head and took another deep breath, trying to calm herself, but it didn't help. The sea air carried the scent of flowers that had long since perished everywhere else, the lazy drone of bees that hadn't been seen on the mainland in just as long.

The clear water ran across her feet again and she took a step forwards into the surf, looking down at her shimmery reflection. She was surprised to find tears sliding down her cheeks, running down her face where they dripped off into the sea.

"Veygah!" A familiar voice called from somewhere behind her. Rachel quickly put her hands to her eyes and scrubbed them furiously, not wanting Baird or Cole to see her crying. She could hear them approaching now, their thick boots slapping against the sand as they made their way over.

"Yo, baby what are you doing out here?" Cole asked, she shrugged one shoulder but didn't turn to look at him. He came to a stop beside her, she could see him out of the corner of her eye pulling a concerned face. "Hey, you okay?"

"Course she is," Baird said coming up on her other side, he seemed uncomfortable at the idea of her crying. "We just saved the world _again. _Big smiles all round!"

"I'm not an expert on smiles, but that don't look like one to me." Cole pointed out, Rachel inhaled deeply and closed her eyes for a moment. The two gears were watching her expectantly but she didn't know what to say – how to explain the feeling of your world crumbling? Maybe that was too dramatic anyway.

"I'm fine," She said. That was a nice safe answer, can't read too much into fine. "You boys need anything?"

"Just lookin' for you baby," Cole said, his voice still sounded concerned but Rachel was glad he didn't intend to force an answer out of her. "Anya's been asking for you and she said she couldn't raise you on the Comm."

"Yeah, well, don't need to have it in 24/7 anymore." Rachel said with a shrug. Baird snorted from beside her and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Well it would make our lives easier – not that we don't enjoy wandering aimlessly around the island looking for you," He complained, Rachel nodded slightly. The blonde seemed to be struggling with her lack of response. "I mean it's a nice change from crumbling buildings and the groups of bottom feeders on the mainland."

"I guess," Rachel replied, she looked back out at the sea and sighed again. "Tell Anya I won't be long."

"Sure thing baby, see you in a little while," Cole said, giving her one last look, he turned away and started walking only to pause and look back over his shoulder at Baird who hadn't moved. "You coming Damon?"

"Yeah, in a second," Baird replied, waving his hand in Coles direction. "I wanna see what's so important on the horizon that Veygah just _has_ to stare at for hours on end."

"Play nice you two!" Cole called as he continued back towards the hotel, leaving Rachel and Baird standing in the surf, staring out at the sea. It didn't take long for Baird to start shifting awkwardly beside her – probably trying to think of something to say that would get more of a reaction from her. She waited.

"So, is anything going to happen or is there another reason you're standing here?" Baird asked, glancing over at her. He folded his arms over his chest.

"Nothing's going to happen," She said as he transferred his hands to his pockets again. She wondered, not for the first time, if the blonde gear might have some form of ADHD – he never seemed to be able to stay still. "Sorry to disappoint."

"So what in COG's name are you doing out here?" He asked glancing at her before looking away again. "And why were you crying?"

"Am I not allowed to cry?" She asked, mimicking him and putting her hands in her pockets, he huffed and rolled his shoulder uncomfortably. She waited.

"I didn't say that, but I've never seen you do it before…" He muttered, she could see him shifting his feet in the sand, pulling them up and putting them down again at the water tried to cover them.

"I'm sure there are a lot of things you haven't seen," She said flatly. "If only you'd had a camera to record the moment, hmm."

"That's not what I meant," Damon said, he was struggling with this. Rachel rolled her eyes at herself, it was too easy to like winding Baird up. "I just wondered why."

"I was just… thinking." She said after a few minutes of silence, Baird grunted.

"Are you going to share with the class?" He asked, Rachel debated telling him to get lost, but she suddenly felt the need to release her frustrations – it was a shame Cole had left, he was good at listening.

"I've just… I've just been thinking about everything that's been lost over the last few years, everyone …" She frowned at the swirling water at her feet before looking up at him. "And I hate it here, I hate it so much."

"You hate it here?" He asked, sounding incredulous. "It's a frigging paradise Veygah!"

"Yeah, and it's a lie. This island is so perfect and so beautiful that everyone seems to have forgotten that we don't have _anything_ left beyond it! The world beyond these shores is crumbling and broken and dying!" She said angrily. "Just like everyone who lives in it, just like… me… and how are we supposed to fix it Damon? How are we supposed to rebuild everything? _We don't have anything!_"

She shook her head and bit her bottom lip. She was crying again, god damn it! She tried to wipe the tears away on her shirtsleeve but they wouldn't stop, sixteen years' worth of tears were washing down her face and through the blur she could see Baird. He looked terrified.

"Oh God, Veygah," He stumbled over his words. "I didn't… shit, don't cry..!"

He put an awkward hand on her shoulder and patted. It wasn't the comforting words from Dom, or the encompassing hug from Cole, but it was enough. She grabbed the front of his shirt and buried her face in the fabric, instantly turning the light grey material to a darker shade. She heard Baird make a strangled noise of discomfort but she didn't care.

After awkwardly clenching his fists at his side Baird finally brought his arms up and put them round her in an attempt to hug. He gave her a tentative pat on the back and his hug got a little more forceful.

"Hey, shhh, come on.. Look, just listen okay" He said quietly. Had she not been having a small mental breakdown Rachel might have been astonished at Baird's attempt at compassion. "First of all, you … you aren't broken, you're about the most normal person I know: Right now not included, obviously.

And you don't need to worry about how we're going to rebuild an entire civilisation – not that either of us will probably by alive to see-" She let out a sob and Baird tensed, quickly changing subject. "We can reverse engineer a lot of things, we've got working tech here and we'll start from there! _Frigging hell _Cole, how do you do_ this!" _

Rachel heard him mutter under his breath and started to pull away, it wasn't fair to make him this uncomfortable. Baird was obviously not finished at his first real go at consoling someone, he tightened his arms around her and looked down at her.

"Christ Veygah, just, don't be sad, okay," He said, looking at her strangely – as if he was making sure she wasn't about to break into a hundred little pieces. "It'll be alright, you've got us now, right? And Sam and Bernie – you islander chicks bounce back from everything – just.. you're not alone."

Rachel let her forehead thump against his chest again and took a deep shaky breath which turned into a half-hearted laugh. She pulled back and sniffed, this time Baird didn't protest as she stepped out of his loose embrace, god he looked awkward.

"Good job Baird," Rachel said, smiling through the tears that were slowly stopping. "Bernie's going to be so impressed."

"Hey now, let's not go around advertising this – okay?" He said, his eyebrows drawing down into a scowl which made her feel a lot better. "I've worked hard for my bastard title."

"Imagine how shocked everyone will be to find out you're all squishy on the inside!" Rachel said, a genuine smile on her face, Baird's mouth twitched up at the corners slightly as he crossed his arms over his chest. He paused then let his hands drop to his sides as he looked down.

"Urg, that's disgusting," He said, gingerly pulling at the wet fabric that was sticking to his chest. "You owe me a new shirt."

"Don't be such a cry baby." Rachel said, sniffing again.

"Ha! Don't try and be funny after this Veygah, I'm serious about the shirt." Baird said grumpily. Rachel rubbed at her eyes, trying to dry them before a piece of material hit her in the face. She looked up to see Baird standing shirtless and annoyed.

"Well you don't need to ruin two tops," He grumbled, turning and starting to walk away from her. "If anyone asks you got splashed by the sea or something and I – being the gentleman that I am- gave you that to dry off."

"Sure, they'll believe that.. what with your history of being such a gentleman and all." Rachel muttered to herself, Baird snorted, telling her that he had heard. She smirked slightly and took another deep breath before moving to catch up with him, wiping her face as she did so on his splotched grey top.

"Oh, and Veygah?" Baird said from in front of her, she looked up.

"Yeah?"

"Don't _ever_ do that to me again."


End file.
